Drake2O
by The Chortling Mermaid
Summary: Once Drake realizes his music career is failing, his parents decide to send him to Australia, where one of Walter's connections has guaranteed him a "music job." However, he meets some very special Australian teens. Teens that are clearly hiding a secret. Drake is determined to find out what they're hiding. He'll make friends, enemies, and maybe find love. Written by Maddie and FOF
1. The Australian Josh

Drake Parker knew he was desperate when he took the offer at the recording studio.

It was all the way in Gold Coast, Australia!

Living at home without Josh made Drake a very lonely dude. He started talking to his guitar again, and even Megan was worried. So when Walter's weatherman friend had a brother who had a girlfriend who had a half-cousin in the music industry, he begged his friend to beg the brother to beg his girlfriend to beg her half-cousin to give Drake a chance. He would have to stay there for at least a month to get all of the recording done to release an album.

Maybe he should have listened to Josh's advice. Maybe he should have gone to community college to at least get a degree, like agriculture or house-keeping. While he did play at the Premiere once a week, it wasn't enough. Helen offered to be his bride, but he didn't wanna marry a cougar. Plus he was pretty certain she was doing illegal candy business in the theatre, and he can't get involved with the Mafia, which was led by Clayton and Trevor. So he eventually stopped playing there and went to the streets to play.

He met many hobos, and they never gave him any cash. One interesting fella tried to floss his teeth with his guitar strings. Another fella tried to use Drake's guitar as a pillow to sleep on, near the garbage can. So, that day, Drake had a criminal record for assaulting the same man. He forgot that he can only hit Josh, so he was shocked when he got arrested. Walter and Audrey had to bail him out, and Walter looked forlorn about it. Probably 'cause he was unable to eat his oily but sexually satisfying Olive Garden pasta while bailing his stupid step-son. And that's why he now has a gig in Australia.

 **~Drake2O~**

And now, he was in the middle of what he deemed to be nowhere. His dork detectors were tingling. Australians had stupid accents. He dropped his suitcase as he was overcome with a Josh-like thought. _Is there a nowhere? How can somewhere exist without nowhere? What? What about anywhere? Am I even real? JOSH I MISS YOU!_

He was literally thrown out of his thoughts when this volleyball hit him hard in the head. Drake screamed as he was pretty sure that the ball flew through his skull. He literally sobbed for medical assistance and how he was experiencing an "episode" when suddenly, a young gal came over to make sure he was okay.

"I'm _sorrr_ sorry!" she screamed in her accent. "Ah you awlright?"

He really wanted to scream at her for her stupid accent but decided to play the nicey-Drakey role. "I'm okay, madame!" he assured her. For some reason, she looked offended.

"I don't knorrw who you think yourrr ahh, but now I'm late! Thanks!" she scolded, storming away like a really….bad…..storm. Probably one of those tornadoes in the deep South, like central Alaska. Oh how he missed North Am-er-ica.

He knew he had nothing else better to do, and he really didn't want to "strain his vocal cords" so he got up from the sand, and followed the Australian girl….like a stealthy secret detective from the FBI/CSI/FDA. He rolled through the sand, earning some odd looks from the alien Australians.

 _Oh wait!_ Drake thought, _what about my suitcase?_

 _Oh well, I only packed clothes and money. But I think I have my wallet in my pocket. I also have some butter (non-salted, so its healthier) in my coat pocket. So I'm only leaving some stupid so-last-year shirts._

Drake had a really silly idea and it made him laugh out loud, like a wheezing hyena or one of those cats he ran over with his car last weekend. He picked up a bucket that was likely abandoned by a child (ok, the child was screaming and crying for his bucket, but Drake shoved him away), filled it with yucky, salty ocean water, and dumped it on the girl when she wasn't looking. He then screamed "I SAW MERCURY THEN VENUS, I SAW THE EARTH AND MARS AND THEN JUPITER, SATURN, URANUS, AND NEPTUNE."

"YOU IDIOT!" she screeched. _Hmm, her accent isn't as noticeable when she screams,_ Drake thought. _This is….remark..ablee._ The word took him a while to think of, but when he got it, he clapped himself on the back. Literally. Don't you know Drake is a contortionist? He also likes boa constrictors.

The girl dove into the water, and he followed her. But then she disappeared, and his face was filled with bubbles. Luckily, the bubbles didn't burn his eyes. _Way to go, Drake!_ He swam after her like an Olympic swimmer, because Drake has always been a perfect swimmer, he won medals too. However, all he could do was touch something scaly and slimy. Thinking he grabbed a shark or something, he swam back to shore, completely wet. Like, he was drenched. He didn't think the ocean would do that to him. He was _Drake._ He was just glad he was able to escape from a shark. If he was Josh, he would've been dinner!

Drake then crawled like a lazyass toddler into some stupid smoothie shop, which Drake assumed is the Australian Premiere. Immediately, his eyes literally flew to a group of stupid teens. One girl had curly brown hair, and an annoying face, the other girl had blonde hair, and looked like she wanted to punch her drink. Finally, there was a boy, who was clearly an awkward third wheel. Everything about him just _screamed,_ "Beat me up, Drake! I'm useless!" He was just like Josh except more Australian. Also, he was skinny like...Drake was positive his guitar weighed more than this dude.

"Hey, YOU!" Drake screamed, running up to the group of ugly Australians. He nearly slipped on his own ocean water (why wasn't he dry yet?) and slammed his body into their table. Literally. His chest fell down on the blonde girl's punchable drink. She grunted and grabbed his neck something area. Then he felt really sweaty and hot, and felt like he would pass out. But he thought if he passed out, he'd been sleeping with the fishes. Ha-ha, get it? Drake laughed to himself. He was a true comedian.

"What do you want?" the brunette asked sweetly. Suddenly this auburn-haired girl appeared from nowhere. Literally, nowhere. Drake was convinced that this nowhere-land was infested with witches. Yes, he read Harry Potter, and nearly cried because he couldn't read after the first sentence. Josh then screamed at him because his tears were all over the book, and Drake retorted by slamming oatmeal onto/into his belly button. Where are we again? Oh, right.

"LEWIS! Get ovahh heeyh!"

"Yes, Chahlayte!" The stupid-looking skinny-stick, super-yucky guy followed the slightly taller girl.

"Lewis…" Drake said to himself. He looked at the younger teen. Then he looked at his reflection in the napkin holder, thingy. Then he looked back at "Lewis." He had been in Australia, and had already made two enemies. Two. How could this Josh-Australian be dating a hot auburn, who was clearly controlling their relationship? _Oh my God,_ Drake thought. _It's the Australian-Mindy. THREE ENEMIES._

Drake knew it was time to face these evil-twins...er, triplets,and show them who's clearly the most famous and clearly the most popular character. Ever. There was no way anyone was going to steal his golden sunlight. No way. Not even a skinny Josh.

"I'll be back," he hissed to the ugly Australians. "You'll see. You'll all see."

He then fled the Australian-Premiere, leaving the ugly teens, he knew they're terribly confused and slightly craving more. After all, their lives were boring as hell. They were _ordinary._


	2. King Drake

Drake _was_ back. He had spent a long night in his hotel after finally finding his suitcase. His suitcase strangely smelled like peanut butter and gasoline. Probably 'cause Walter touched it. But now he was in the juice establishment.

He missed the Premiere. Terribly. The juice establishment offered limited things (hint: it rhymes with BUICE). But they did have food. The food was so nasty! It actually tasted like one of Josh's Fudgy Poo brownies. Absolute undercooked eggs and food coloring. He ate it anyway, because it reminded him of home. Then he laughed because, _his own parents_ sent him to Australia! Didn't they believe in him? Drake cried for only twenty minutes, after stubbing his toe while watering his spice garden. Wait. Wrong Tv show.

When he came across the angry girl he felt the need to ask her something.

"Where can I see a movie?"

"At the moovie theatah. It's…" she pointed, "Straight that way." She turned back to the ice queen blonde, and the depressed-looking brunette. Seriously, Australia sucked. Where's the kangaroos?

"They have popcorn...right?" he asked, looking hopeful. If they didn't have popcorn, well, let's just say Drake would be on a plane to East America.

"At a _movie theatah?_ Hmm, gee, why would they have that _theah_?" she glared at him, and then turned back to her stupid friends. Drake scowled. The people here were so _nasty,_ just like the food, just like the suspicious juice, just like the suspicious hotel, his guitar, his soap, his butter…

She muttered, rolling her eyes at the American.

"Stupid Australia, no popcorn." Drake muttered, missing her sarcasm. Fortunecookieately, no one heard him...except maybe his guitar which was back at the hotel. It was watching TV, it's favorite show, Broadway.

"Do you wanna see it with me?" Drake asked her, turning on his usual charm.

"No thanks, I'm seeing someone." she replied, raising an eyebrow. "Also, after how yah treated my friend, I'm not too keen on gowhing anywah with you!"

"How about I buy you some JUICE and we can call it a date?" Drake asked, completely ignoring her denial. "What's your favorite JUICE? Mine is...key lime pie…."

"YHouu've _got_ to be kidding me. Geht out. Geht out of my life!" she ran away into the bathroom, probably to cry and/or punch the wall and/or then blame it on Drake 'cause he's an outsider.

"Whatever, your accent is killing me slowly anyways," Drake muttered. He then grabbed L-e-wis and shoved him out of his chair. Actually, he lightly tapped his shoulder, but L-e-wis almost flew through the window and hit this tall blonde guy and then almost crashed into a yacht. He's really light! "I hate you," Drake said to the awkward teen. "Go away."

"WHAT? You just pushed me..onto the ground!" Lewis cried. "You violent, cruel beast! You go away! Before I call my mum!"

"NEVER!" Drake spit on his face, and then peed on him. Lewis began to curl up into a little blonde ball and cried. Drake laughed. He was about to use him as a toilet again when the brunette glared at him.

"Excuse me! This is my b...friend you're hurting! Would you quit it?"

"No. WAIT." Drake paused. "You're dating _him?_ Do you need glasses? He's an ugly post-it note. Trust me. I've eaten a lot of post-it notes, and I would _never_ eat him. He's as sour as...milk."

"What in the hell is that supposed to mean? GET OUT OF HERE!" The Australian bellowed a ferocious Australian roar. A gust of wind came out of nowhere, and he found himself flung out of the beaded doorway.

"What was _that_?" Drake raised an eyebrow. Something was definitely wrong here. This was not like his hometown.

~Drake2O~

"One more time, Drake! This time, I think you should do the bridge with an E minor chord instead of a C major." Walter's "friend's" "girlfriend's" half-cousin, Ernie said.

"Okay but what about a J major?" Drake asked, jokingly. He expected Ernie to laugh, but instead was met with serious eyes. Literally. His eyes actually lost the light in them. Like it was as if Ernie just swallowed a peanut butter and fungus flower sandwich. With extra pickles and sundae. Sundaaeeeee. That just reminded him, his pet snail probably died. What in the?

"Do you see me laughing, Drake?" Ernie stared. "Do you heah me smihlin'?"

"I think it's the other way around…"

"What? NO! SING, DRAKE! SING!"

Drake started the song again, following Ernie's stupid advice. Ernie covered his ears at one point, and his glass of suspicious water fell apart. Glass flew everywhere, and it hit Ernie in the face. Ernie literally fell out of his chair and screamed bloody murder. Like, he was pretty sure Ernie squished some animal to death underneath his desk. Most likely all those rats that invaded the recording studio. Those damn rats! Drake ate a rat when living with the hobos once. Man, it reminded him of Carly Shay. She actually looked like a rat. Ew. I need my inhaler.

"DRAKE!" Ernie cried. "STOP SINGING!"

"Okay! Would you stop yelling? You're hurting my vocal cords!"

"Oh my God. Drake. Your voice honestly sucks. I don't think all this autotune can stop my ears from bleeding and my internal organs from failing. You actually gave me a kidney stone. What happened to you?"

"I don't know, EMILE! I DON'T KNOW!"

"IT'S ERNIE, YOU DUMBASS AMERICAN IDIOT! GET OUT OF MY STUDIO! _NOW!"_

"Not before I do _THIS!"_ Drake then took off his headphones and threw them at Ernie. He tackled Ernie to the ground, and shaved his eyebrows off with his guitar strings. "Who's the J major now?!" Drake's horrible marching band insult caused Ernie to nearly throw up.

Drake then repeatedly hit Ernie with a chair and let the rats play soccer on his belly button before storming out of the studio like a true celebrity.

 _I have to call Josh,_ Drake decided. _He'd know how to help me!_

~Drake2O~

" _Da-RAKE!"_ Josh yelled on the other end of the phone. "Are you in another country? I don't recognize the first thr-"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm in Australia, ask Dad. Anyway, I just got fired, and there are these weird teens, and one of them is the skinny blond version of you."

"W-What? Fired? Another me? _Another me?_ Drake, I-I don't...you're not making any sense, brotha."

"Josh, I'm serious! All these ugly teens gather in this _one_ juice shop, like us at the Premiere. There's this girl who's just like Mindy, who's dating the Australian-you, and then there's these two other girls...Josh, I swam after one and I swear, I felt a shark!"

"D-Drake, you're concerning me…" Josh stated slowly. "Why would Mom and Dad send you to Australia without telling me first?"

"Do you think I know? Dad had to bail me out of jail, I slept with hobos, they tried eating my guitar strings, and now he said I could make music in another country, just out of North America-"

"Drake, I think you need to come home. Now. You sound.."

"Crazy? I don't care! I can't come home now. There's this strange gust of wind that hit me in the juice shop, and I need to figure it out what it is. Feed my snail. I hate Aussie."

" _DRAKE!"_

"Good day, I'll call you when the mystery is solved!"

"No, I'm bringing you home! I don't care what Mom and Dad say! You're not safe there!"

" _SHUT UP!_ " Drake screamed into the phone, ending the call, because he's a boss, and he always ends phone conversations first. He then threw his own cell phone into the ocean to make this even more dramatic and more angst-like, like on any overly-dramatic teen show you could ever possibly think of.

Drake fought salty/sweaty/slimy/greasy tears that reminded him of the ocean. And then the ocean reminded him of the ice queen. He needed to know her name. He wanted to date her instead of her hot-head friend. He and the ice queen could rule the world. He was pretty sure that she's got incredibly soft lips: soft and cold...like ice cream. Drake loved ice cream. Yum!

The ice queen was just so pretty! There was no way Josh could take him away from his Australian soul-mate! Never! Drake then ran back into the juice shop like any other corny romance movie. His favorite romance movie is Spongebob: Sponge out of Water. His mother cried for hours when he told her that.

"Ice queen! Oh, my beautiful ice queen! Wherefore art thou Ice Queen?" He called into the distance, remembering that book Mrs. Hayfer made them read.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" The blonde girl screeched. Drake realized that her hair was almost the color of a banana. Or a pineapple. Or lizard pee.

"I'm looking for you."

"WHY?"

"I wanna ask you out, my ice queen."

"I-Ice? What maykes you say thaht?" she stuttered, backing away.

"Because you're so...cold." he said in a flirtatious tone, getting closer to her.

"Well, I have a….or, I just went on a date with someone, and we're kind of...I dohn't have to explain myself to you!"

"But I'm so handsome!"

"Is there a problem here?" the brunette crossed her arms, glaring at Drake.

"Yeah, you are, air-head! Would you stop interrupting me?!"

" _Aiih-head? My name is Cleo!"_

"What a stupid name. What's your name, ice queen?" he winked at her.

"Emma. Emma Gilbert."

"What a...beautiful name. Can I call you Gil?" he asked, remembering how they'd met. She was the first true Australian he'd seen.

"Save it!" Cleo, the air head, yelled, probably jealous. He couldn't blame her, anyway. He was drop dead gorgeous, definitely more amazing than L-e-wis.

"It's just...I'm new here, and you seem pretty sure of yourself, Gil. I was wondering if…" he trailed off, as if he were embarrassed, "If maybe you would show me around."

"Oh...um...Okay!" Emma glared slightly at Cleo before gently taking Drake's arm and guiding him to a table. _HAHA, YES!_ Drake cheered to himself. _SCREW YOU, CLEO!_

"So, is there an East Australia or a New Australia? Do you guys measure in the dewy decimal system? How many fingers am I holding up?"

"What? I don't even know _your_ name."

"Oh. Right. Drake Parker. I'm going to be a great rockstar one day. Seriously."

"Um...Okay." Emma smiled. "This is Lewis, you met him last time."

"Lewis," he nodded. "Ugly as always."

Lewis cried. Just a little bit.

"This is Rikki. She punched a wall in the bathroom."

"The hot-head. Right."

"Any questions?"

"Yes," Drake shoved Lewis out of his chair and leaned forward onto the table. "I need to know what's going on here. What's the gust of wind I felt?"

"What? I don't know what you're talking about." the beautiful ice queen turned her head. Wow. What an awful liar.

"Yes. You do. I need to know."

"Well…." Emma said, "It's usually pretty drafty in here because of the A/C unit. You can blame the manager, Ash."

 _Ash? Must be the Australian-Helen. Oh no, there better not be an Australian-Mafia…_

"Actually...I know you're lying, but I want to speak with Ash anyway. BRING HIM FORTH. LEWIS, GO MAKE ME A SMOOTHIE."

"I DOHN'T WOHK HEAH!" Lewis yelled, losing his composure.

"GO, YOU IDIOT! GOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Drake snapped his fingers at him and hit his head with his guitar, which walked into the juice department, after the perfume department, of course.

Lewis sobbed as he made a smoothie for King Drake. King Drake laughed like the king he was. He held the Ice Queen's hand while Cleo the air head and Rikki the hot head gasped. So far, things were going pretty good.

But it was about to go bad….real fast. Too fast. Like one of those Barbie cars you can buy. Or Hot Wheels. Whatever.

"Emma, tonight is the full moon. You can't hang out with your new best friend today," Cleo said.

"I heard that," Drake turned his head. The Australians gasped. "Now tell me. WHAT'S A FULL MOON?"


	3. Nyehnyehnyeh

**A/N: guest, we don't get what you want...but we hope you enjoy this next chapter! :)**

"A full mewn is-" Lewis was cut short by Drake's mighty lion roar.

"NOT **YOU.** SOMEONE ELSE EXPLAIN."

"It's wan the mewn is a cihcul." Emma elucidated to her new boyfriend who was holding a plastic fork to Lewis' neck. He began to growl ferociously like a frustrated chimpanzee who has not eaten his nature valley bars. "And it's vewouiy bwait and waite, like cwest waite stwipsss maik yower teesth."

"SPEAK ENGLISH YOU AUSTRALIAN DONKEY!" Drake said kindly and gently in reply to his girlfriend's explanation. Cleo pouted like the Australian donkey she is, evidently not enjoying Drake's words.

"Awwsissys are Engrish too you stUUpidd Dwake Pawwwkur!"

"Shut up, Cleo! You should've left H2O: Just Add Water, not Emma!"

Suddenly the ground split open and sucked the Juicenet Cafe owner into the center of the earth.

Lewis sobbed. _Like a pathetic organtang -_ Drake meant _orangutan..._

And out of nowhere Charlotte appeared.

Lewis sobbed harder. His bitchy witchy girlfriend has returned from the deep depth of Teen Nick. My God, that channel is disturbing.

The earth split in half, and Leo nearly fell into the deep depth of Teen Nick. Cleo screamed like a dog who has just been neutered by an illegal surgeon in the alleyway, Rikki laughed like she was watching a cat being thrown into the garbage can, and Charlotte smiled, showing off her beautiful, missing front teeth.

"I dun't wunt to date you enymuwre, L-E-WIS!" CHarlotte roared like a mighty lion-tiger illegal crossbred. "I want to date the one and only...Drew Pawkur."

"It's **DRAKE!"** Drake screamed. He really hated Drew and Jerry. He literally then tripped over his own feet, accidentally knocking into the table, the table, since it has a mind of its own, literally slammed into L-e-wis on purpose, and then Lewis, being the ugly, disgusting, pathetic, ACTORCIOSUS donkey he is, fell on top of Charlotte. Charlotte then slipped on her own sweat and lizard piss and fell back into the deep depths of Hell. She was engulfed by flames and Cleo took a few pics and uploaded them to Snapchat and Instaagergergm. She got exactly 0.3-0. likes.

Drake brushed his hands even though there was no dirt on them. "Well. Looks like me work here is done. Who wants to buy me some popcorn?"

"Dwake! I can't belIEEEVEEE you pushed Charlotte into her death! Gweat job!" Lewis congratulated Drake with a pat on the back, but Drake didn't like it. Not one bit! He hissed like a cat before stomping on Lewis' toes and using his magical shark powers to banish him from the juice...place.

" **nyehnyehnyeh"** Drake cheered. He was now a shark like Emma. His Ice Queen could rule with him forever! Eternity! Rockstar Drake really did love being the world's dictator. It reminded him of the time he forced Josh to mow the entire front lawn and only gave him a capful of water as a reward. Josh nearly died of dehydration, but it was okay. Megan fed him sweaty socks. And siblings. Oh yes those baby pigs. Covered in bbq sauce...and microwaved peanut butter...mmmm…..

"Emma. I know we have dated for exactly 0.6 minutes but...I'm in love with you. Even though you're an absolute donkey and I hate your friends, you're great! So why won't you admit to me your half-shark?"

"I'M A MEHMAID, NUT A SHAKKK. ALL OF US AH EXCEPT CHALUT AND L-E-WIS. " Emma screeched loud enough for everyone to hear. Suddenly a scientist appeared with a scalpel and another scary pointy thing.

All of the mermaids screeched. Charlotte clapped her hands like a seal. Like a deranged seal. An ugly, deranged seal. Drake grimaced. He really needs to send Cleo back to the ocean where she could be a free seal. He plans to do that as soon as he proposes to Emma, like tonight.

Lewis cried all over the scientist and then killed her because she managed to drown in his tears. Was Lewis a merman? Was his power super-tears? Drake now wanted to know, so he dumped his de-lish key lime pie juice all over Lewis' head. His hair got yucky and green.

And then Lewis made a terrible face. Cleo nearly vomited all over Lewis' face. Actually she did.

He looked like a sibling that was eaten alive. Drake suddenly became hungry. He yelled a really..REALLY bad word...oh my god it's so bad we're pretty sure Cleo became an ugly deranged deaf seal... because he threw his juice all over Lewis.

"OH CRABBBB!" Were the words Drake finally yelled. "KING CRAB!"

"PLEASE DON'T EAT MUY HAIR!" L-E-WIS scrambled under a table and began to shiver. Charlotte attempted to eat him once, when she thought his hair was cheese when the full moon influenced her. He has never been the same since. Speaking of the full moon…

The sun went bye-bye, and the moon took over. **OH NO!**

And then some idiot left the cafe and the moon reflected EVERYWHERE. Even in ways that are impossible. Drake even found the moon in his glass of smoothie! All the mermaids lost their minds. Drake knew. He found them on the ground.

Ha, that rhymed.

Well, Drake was just kidding about finding their actual minds….but you know what he meant.

The screen shook and cracked a little bit. But it's okay. We only needed three walls anyway.

So Cleo got lifted up by a wind and flew around like a bird. She was flapping her arms and barking. Drake was so confused, he thought she was a seal. Guess not.

"EMMA!" Drake cried. He only really cared about her. Cleo could go fall into the Mako Island volcano for all he cared. Rikki just disappeared like the careless biatch she always been. L-e-wis really should've just got hit by one of the walls. Drake's wall was the biggest.

He could control it. After all, he is a shark.

Maybe not, oh well...it's the thought that really counts.

Shark Drake swam out of the crazy cafe that was falling apart with Emma on his back. He would save her. He was DRAKE!

"I love you, Emma! Please...go with me. We must shark together. And...save the world."

Emma snapped out of her crazy trance.

"Oh, DRAYK! I...luv yeouu tew! But I am newt a shawuk!"

"STOP LYING TO ME!" Drake cried and began to fly. Emma was still on his back. He flew to the ocean and chucked her in.

She transformed.

"AHA, YOU **ARE** A SHARK!"

Emma facepalmed.

"Shuhh I aym."

Drake then went to Mako with her and also became a shark! Wow!

"Dwake..U..U awe a mewman?" Emma was astonished. "How? How and wheeeeen did dis hawpun too you? Mawwwkoo Mewwmaaiidss hasn't been rewleawsed yet! You must tell muy!"

"I AM A SHARK, YOU FOOL." Drake scoffed. "This is me now. I am Shark Drake." He lifted his hands and accidently zapped a big rock in outer space. _Oh well...that's probably not important._

"Wut pawah is that?" Emma asked.

"SHARK POWER. Come, my ice queen. Come….be a royal shark with me." Shark Drake sighed, "Marry me, for I am King Shark Rockstar Drake, ruler of all sharks."

Emma cried like L-e-wis. It kinda disturbed him but whatever.

"Oh, King Shark Rockstar Drake…" her voice suddenly sounded American, "I will!"

"Your voice...is so beautiful!"

"Thanks, I was actually born in California. I lived there for a long time. I've been faking the accent all along!"

And so, the two sharks got married.

But all was not peaceful...no! This is only the beginning of the story.

The story of DRAKE2O.


	4. Josh the Badass

Drake and Gil were a couple of sharks.

They are happy, fun, beautiful sharks. When L-e-wis went swimming in the ocean, Gil tore off his swim trunks with her razor sharp teeth! L-e-wis cried underwater for nearly 5 hours, filling the ocean with his tears. His Taco Bell fancy $40 burrito was then stolen by Drake (even though it was drenched with teary water) and eaten right in front of Lewis! The ocean nearly flooded the whole Australian state because East America didn't like it and really hated L-e-wis' tears.

Lewis was sad. But then Cleo got angry. Emma punched her, like Rikki punches her drink and bathroom wall. Sometimes Rikki likes to eat her bathroom wall. And cover it with ranch dressing. She also doesn't like it when cats bathes themselves, so she licks her own cats fur. Like My Strange Addiction. Great episode

Speaking of walls, Drake's wall felt neglected. Drake hadn't spoken to his wall since he met Emma Gilbert.

The wall fell down upon Emma with a sickening sound. It made everyone feel sick.

It was that bad

" **NOOOOOOOOOOO!"** Drake cried to the early sunriseset/midday sky. " **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"** Emma was killed to death.

"My **ICE QUEEN! HOW COULD YOU?"** drAke screeched, kicking and punching his wall, which was now a pile of debris. But..suddenly! What's this? Drake frantically and slowly searched through the pile of debris and Lewis' clothes. He then found his beautiful wife Emma.

"Emma...No..speak to me," Drake cried to tears. He anxiously and calmly tore into Lewis' hat and began to eat it.

"Dwaaaaaaaakeeeeee!" Emma resurrected herself. "I am alliveee, but I lost muyoi Amewwicaaan accent! I can nevuuhhh speeek nowwwmaaalllyy again!"

" **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THEN DIE YOU DONKEY!"** Drake stormed off like an angry storm that was brewing angrily, particularly in Florida. Sandy 2.0. Why was the World so cruel to him?

"No! Dwwakee! Muy twuuu luuuvvv! Waaahhhaaiitt fuuoooww meeeeee!"

"DON'T EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN!" Drake roared. He then stole Lewis' cell brick phone and immediately called Josh.

"JOSH!"

"Da-RAKE! DON'T HANG UP ON ME. WHERE ARE YOU?"

"THE OCEAN! Josh! I became a shark-no! The KING of all sharks. And I have no job, no home, and no love!" Drake sobbed in a totally pathetic Lewis-like way.

Emma ran into Drake's stomach.

"Nuuuoaaah, Draayyyke! Duunnn't leave mayyy, pleaawwwsseee. I-I want tuy bay your queen!." Drake froze.

Emma froze him. Literally….froze.

He was the Ice King of sharks and rockstars. But he was probably dead.

Unless he could be revived.

Josh panicked on the other line, understanding what must have happened. He was very concerned.

"HUG ME BROTHA!" Josh began to cry, wheeze, and wail like his Australian counterpart.

Suddenly, Drake became alive. He let out an ear-piercing scream into the phone. Josh screamed as well. He fell out of his chair and began to spaz out like Josh usually does. Josh is the epitome of patheticness. Or just Lewis.

"I AM THE ICE KING OF SHARKS AND ROCKSTARS!" Drake bellowed. " **FEAR ME!** I AM THE ULTIMATE RULER!"

"oh, no," Josh sobbed quietly as he rubbed his stomach and patted his head. He had extreme difficulty trying to go counterclockwise. Josh continued to cry into the phone. His tears were actually leaking through the damn phone. Not to mention his sweat.

"Drake, during this phone conversation, Megan was tracing your phone IP address or whatever you want to call it. You will be **BANNED** from Australia! You're coming home!" Josh declared.

"Josh, I only got BANNED from the MARCHING BAND."

"BOOOOOO" Lewis screamed at the joke. He had reemerged from the water.

"THAT WASN'T A JOKE!" Drake roared, throwing Lewis onto the roof. "I was banned because I kept telling Clayton he wasn't playing the right J notes! And then I told Luckenbill that I couldn't read LEGER LINES! And then I drove the marching band truck onto the sidewalk, drove through a stop sign, nearly killing a cat!"

"Who?"

"SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, LEWIS!"

Lewis then melted through the roof and slid like a slug into the ocean. Cleo desperately followed her friend, transforming into a mermaid-seal and screaming. Drake rolled his eyes into the back of his skull before shouting,

"Josh, you can't take me back to Am-eeerrrrr-rrrreeeeka. I have to get my music career starting again. First, I'll become manager at this hellish juice bar that CLEARLY needs some adjustments. Then, I will force Emile to re-hire me. I will use extra auto tune and make fun of Justin Bieber and then I will become broke, only to make hints of Drake and Josh reunion special."

"I'm calling the airport. I'm going to Australia, ASAP…. **ASAP!** " Josh yelled, panicking.

"DON'T YOU **DARE!"** Drake's rockstar-ice-shark powers melted through the phone.

~DRAKE2O~

Josh suddenly felt very cold! Oh no!

"Megan, it's a little chilly. Get me a jacket."

"No," Megan left the room. Josh then ended the call, only to fall down the stairs since he was just so chilly. He actually then fell into a bowl of chili. Chilly chili. **HA HA HA HA, GET IT?!**

"Dad! Mom! Please, help me!" Josh begged. Walter rolled off the couch like the lazy blob he is and ran over to his favorite-er….his son.

"What's wrong, Josh?" Walter asked, furrowing his caterpillarish-eyebrows. Josh had been home for only a few hours, but even _he_ could tell that something was wrong.

"Something's wrong with Drake! I gotta go to Australia and save him...I have to!"

" **NO!"** Walter screamed. Josh gave him a funny look. Walter then laughed extremely nervously and then gently said, "Josh, w-w-w-what are you talking about?" he stuttered.

Josh glared at his father. "I know what you and Mom did…" the dramatic music in the background intensified. The camera zoomed in on Josh's face, before panning to Walter's.

"You...Sent DRAKE...out of his own COUNTRY...To be hired by a SUSPICIOUS guy who claims to be involved in the music business..How could you?" Tears streamed down Josh's slightly chubby cheeks. Well, they were a bit more defined now, but "chubby" is a funny word.

"I...I-"

"YOU WHAT?" Audrey cut in, dropping her bowl and spoon of cumin onto the floor. Apparently she didn't realize that her son had been missing for DAYS.

"I-eye-I-eeee-I believe in ALL that I can beeeeee, and I-eye-I-eeee-I feel like the air now I can't breathe-" Walter began to sing as he walked away. Some people hated conflict. Megan began to secretly videotape him for her website.

"DAD, NO! Stop acting like Bella….er stop singing that song!" Josh protested as his mother sobbed hysterically.

"Josh." His father's tone became serious...at least, as serious as Walter could be. "Australia...is a dangerous place. It is very _very_ unsafe. But Drake will be… _much_ better there than here."

"You sent Drake there, and now I have to save him. You know he cannot survive in the wild on his own! Goodbye, father. Bye, Megs. Mom...I'll get Drake back. Please don't cry."

"Josh...be safe, Josh. Don't go to Mako." Walter whispered to the air. Even Megan was a little creeped out at this point. Was Walter a former merman? Or "Shark" as Drake had said on the phone. He didn't know now, but maybe he'd find all of the answers he was looking for in Australia. Or just Yahoo! Answers, if he becomes that desperate.

Josh walked out with his own credit card. He was an _adult,_ damn it, and he had his own income.

Josh was a badass.

But was he badass enough for Australia?


	5. Drake the Kinky Homeless Cat

After that day, nothing was the same.

Drake now hated black and white cookies.

He realized too late. After stealing a homeless man's food for the hibernation season, he ate a black and white cookie and almost died. The frosting choked him and the cookie cake part tasted like actual fucking play doh. But he ate the entire thing anyway, because it was soo sugary and tasty sweet.

He then threw up on the homeless man and stole his clothes. He slept in the homeless man's clothes for the next 3 weeks. In the same spot that he the homeless man used to sit.

Meanwhile, Josh began to feel the effects of Australia. He thought he found Drake, instead he found a homeless man with rabies who was hissing like a cat. Josh tried petting the homeless man, but the homeless man ran away on all fours. The man was screaming "Drake is here! Drake is here!"

But who is this "Drake?" Was he Drake Parker? L-e-wis? BABY DRAKE?

Alll were possibilites. Josh wuz determined to find ou. He set up a homeless man trap, he saw an advertisement on TV. He smeared peanut butter onto the mouse trap and set it near a garbage dump. He then waited by the trap in order to catch the homeless man.

Drake smelled peanut butter in the air. He growled. He also grew fangs. Since he's a homeless man shark-merman. He roared viciously and pounded on his chest with his fins. He then attacked the mouse trap, and then screamed as it snapped onto his mouth.

"Finally! I caught my first homelass man! WHO ARE YOU!"

I Am " DRA K E PARKER. WHO GOES THERE"

"I AM JOSH NICHOLS, YOU ARE MY BROTHER"

"OOOOOOOOOOOOO N **OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO** "

Drake ran away and fell into the Garbage Dump. Josh swam in the garbage and followed him.

Emma who was still wounded from the falling fourth wall, emerged from the depths of TeenNick and attacked the intruder. Josh flung himself to the ground, screeching just as Drake had done before.

ANd Josh became one with his brother.

One being.

They were SHARK.

SHARK ran away and dragged L-e-wis up from the ocean. But then SHARK split into two when he realized who L-e-wis was.

L-e-wis was Josh's counterpart in the counterpart Australia. They fought like goats as Drake stripped himself of his homeless man clothes. Only keeping on his bikini.

He strutted over like a supermodel and brutally ripped them off of each other, throwing them to the ground, making them fall into the harsh sidewalk.

"I AM DRAKE, SHaRK supermodel of the world"

Josh began to weep, for he knew that his brother had lost his sanity….possibly for good. He wept for himself, because he knew that Austrailia had changed both of them...for the worst.

Drake screamed at the top of his lungs and Gil came over to suck on his face to get the scream out.

Josh was sad. L-e-wis was taking Drake away from him. He needed to fight back. And also Emma Gilbert was getting clingy to his brother too. He needed to fight back.

Australia was ruining both of them. For the worst.

Meanwhile, back in Drake and Josh's house, Josh's true home, their parents were on the couch oblivious to everything. Walter ate a black and white cookie and actually died. MEgan laughed. Awdrayke cried of laughter when Walter choked on the cookie, like he choked on the cumin.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! DIE WALTER! I LOVE BRUCE WINSHIELD!" Awdrayke exclaimed. It is tru. She had an affair with bruce winshield and is now carrying triplets.

They were not Walters. They were bruce winshields.

Then the babies came out to meet their dead step-dad. Australia was beginning to affect San Fran Sisco. And they knew it now. Only Megan could save the world.

But then she died becasue she also ate the cookie. Audrey named her babies "Shark Bebe" after Drake "Garbage Can" after Josh, and "Glue" after Megan. The children fed upon the body of their sister….To be continued….NOW!

"Glue" and "Shark BEBE" arrived in the country and went out to find the Drake Master. The true master. So then they found them and then Drake offered a black and white cookie.

"I heard about the black and white cookies. Garbage Can was dead and then killed. From the cookie. I heard it also killed Audrake and Josh-drake. Where is real Josh?"

"Real Josh is being held captive by L-e-wis." Said Lewis.

"What the fuck. Bring me to jhim." a strange homeless man said. The man had a sack, a knife, a bomb, and a spool of chains and ropes.

"Oh, I like that too." L-e-wis said to himself. Drake appeared at his side.

"OHHH L-EEEEE! I love you, you fool. You are better than Josh and Gil. Even if one is a shark. I will fix you. I will show you the way of shark." He cut off his love's legs and quickly sewed a sketchy tail he bought from the pet store instead of getting a cool squeak toy onto the bloody stubs.

Le-wis shrieked and cried. But he did not move. For he wanted to improve himself for this man. His shark man. He is in love with Drake. He knew it all along.

"I am shark now!" Le-w-is cried. "I am perfect. My accent is also gone."

"Yesss, my love." Drake cooed. He stroked his head like a kitten and provided sound effects. "PURRRRRRRRRRR….MEOOOOWWWWWWWW…..MRRAAAOOOWOWWW."

"NO DRAKE NO! YOU ARE NOT A CAT." The homeless man who liked bondage screeched. He tied them together. And was whole.

"Drake was fine, for he was a shark." Drake narrated. His real brother appeared once more.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Josh yelled dramatically. It seemed that he lost his other half to a Josh-wannabe. "DRAKE, why, brotha? Why have you done this to me? To our family? Our parents dead, sister dead, and now we have half-siblings. And one of them is dead. The other two are lost. I don't know what to do now. Australia has ruined you. Ever since WALTER gave you that music job so that he could kick you out of the house….You became worse. You not only became a shark-mermaid-cat-homeless-man-cookie-man. You became….

…..

….

not my brother."

Josh's monologue hit Drake hard. It actually punched him in the face.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I am your brother! I will prove it by annoying our 2 readers by bringing it OCS! PErfect OCS!:

"HI I AM HERE NO WI AM THE OC" MArd and Lollen apeared.

"Hi, Marys!" Josh greeted jovially. He was a nice man, after all. "Please fix my brother. Please love him. PLEAASSEEE."

Mard and Lollen hugged Drake until he passed out from suffocation. the homeless man who liked bondage tied up Drake to the roof of their car and began to drive maniacally to the destination.

South America.

TO BE CONTINUED.,... IN A LITTLE AWHILE


	6. ROAD RAGE

**A/N: Hi, my 2 readers from Puerto rico. Do you like Drake2O? Please let me know so I can become fanfiction famous. Thanks i love you**

 **LOVE Mad**

When Drake awoke, he felt disgusting. He was wearing strange clothes, he had a headache, and he was tied to the roof of some car. Also, he was in another "country" South Am-er-i-ca. He felt sober for the first time since he got in Australia/deported from his homeland. Yeah, not that he drank or anything, Australia just had that effect on him.

Drake sighed...he was pretty sure there a girl attatched to him. He flung her away and she rolled into the highway and died. Oh dear. The gas station exploded, and Drake ran away. The homeless man chased after Drake, screaming, "Hold on! Stop! I have duct tape too!"

Drake tripped over his own feet and fell next to the dead body on the highway. A truck swerved in front of Drake and rolled onto the opposite highway lane, creating another explosion. A Subaru accidentally drove into the explosion, leaving four people dead. The truck then smashed through the traffic and drove back to Drake.

The truck driver was angry about having become a murderer on account of Drake. He decided to get his revenge by killing Drake, totally contradickting himself.

The homeless man threw a banana peel in front of a truck and the truck fell over and hit the homeless man, killing him.

"No! You saved me, why? Why must you perish?" Drake cried.

"Drake, come closer," the homeless man whispered. "I have a prophecy. You will never escape South Am-a-reeek-a unless you destroy your brother's heart."

"What? Why?"

"It is in the dark book. Here, check out my book."

Drake snatched the book. "How much do I have time?"

"About as much time I have left in the world. Hahaha, just kidding. You have 77 days to escape. Otherwise, the world will cease to exist."

"NO!" Drake cried. "I CAN'T BE A HERO! I am the villain anti-hero/antagonist/protagonist"

"You must. Also, I am your father." Then the homeless man died.

Drake looked at the man's face and recalled the photo of him as a baby being held by his father. He then noticed the extreme resembalance. The homeless man had the same exact tattoo. The tattoo said 'Drake's dad.'

How could he have not seen this?

Drake cried. For he had taken the man's black and white cookie, and it was really his dad. He did not realize he has done such an awful thing. But then he remembered what his father did to him. He took advantage of Drake. He took him away from Josh.

Where is Josh?

Drake brought out his compass and decided to head Weast. He walked into the highway and his father's sacrifice was almost in vain. But he ran away in time.

Drake looked at the watery ocean. He managed to appear by and ocean. He thought of his ex-girlfried, Gil. Did he truly love her? Or did he love her tail? Drake wondered many things. Is she dead?

Seriously, he forgot. A lot of people died. Like L-e-wis….he died many times. In fact, he now held the world record for death.

As he tried to swim away from the ocean, a shimmering orange tail whipped him across the face.

It was a mermaid.

The mermaid...was...

To be continued...In….

DRAKE202: THE SEQUEL

Will Drake save the world? Will he destroy it? Who is this mysterious creature? Are mermaids real? Is Drake a shark? Will the homeless man return? Where is Josh? Is Josh okay? Is Josh dead?


End file.
